


representation

by halfwheeze



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Gift Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bury your gays trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28270725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwheeze/pseuds/halfwheeze
Summary: "There is love and there is death and I am so tired of watching gay men and women love and die. I am so tired of the stance that all gay characters are good for is dying. I am so, so tired, Dean.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	representation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lightningsmcqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningsmcqueen/gifts).



> For Ali. 
> 
> Yes I wrote Supernatural fic. It's for my best fucking friend. If you wanna look at me about it, I take commissions, so do it for a fucking fee.

College is a hard place to meet a best friend, you know? It’s not kindergarten, where meeting your best friend is sharing your crayons and maybe giving over your apple when they share their juice box, or defending them from a middle school bully or even high school, where best friendship could be earned five days at a time in fourth period English. Dean meets Castiel Novak in a coffee shop on a college campus that he’s only attending because his shithead little brother says that if Dean doesn’t go to college, he won’t, and Sam is a fucking genius, he really is. He’s gonna be some broke ass lawyer, because he wants to be a public defender, the good kind, the kind who only defends the innocent and doesn’t take hackjobs just to pad out his bank account and Sammy isn’t the point, it’s Cas, and isn’t that always the breaks? 

He meets Cas at a coffee shop and they do  _ not  _ hit it off - Castiel Novak actually thinks that Dean, a certified bisexual trans man, is a homophobe, at first, because he accidentally bumps into some friends of Cas’s and there’s a misunderstanding and, well, Dean’s not exactly good at backing down. He apologizes to Charlie and Dorothy, and he  _ does  _ immediately hit it off with Charlie, and that’s how he becomes pretty much immediate best friends with Cas and Charlie and tangentially with Dorothy but not that much, not really. 

He and Cas spend a lot of time together. Probably more than they should, to be honest. Even when he’s trying to be Dean Winchester, proud man, proud bisexual, proud, proud, proud, he sometimes forgets to keep his dad’s voice out of his head. John Winchester still sends him cards sometimes, but only to remind him that he’s still his daughter, not really for any  _ good, wholesome,  _ **_family_ ** reasons. The only family that Dean has is Sammy, his mom, Mary, and his Uncle Bobby. His Aunt Ellen and his cousin, Jo, they’re family too, but he hasn’t seen them since he was younger. There aren’t any pictures of them together that don’t have him in a skirt. Anyway. Cas is family too. He’s getting that way, anyway. Charlie too. Family. John isn’t. Not anymore. 

Cas is coming over today, anyway. Dean cooked, and there are movies set out - LGBT movies that Cas bought because he thinks Dean is lacking in LGBT education. They fell asleep before they even finished the first one last time, Cas’s cousin Gabriel sprawled out on the couch with them and the whole apartment smelling like the weed he brought over “just to try.” It had been the first time that Dean had ever smoked, but obviously not for Cas or Gabe, and it had fed just a tiny piece of information to that ravenous beast inside of him that wants to know every little thing about Castiel Novak, just enough to make it hungrier. He wants to know  _ everything _ about Cas. 

There’s a knock on the apartment door while Dean is lost in his head, just lost enough to make him startle out of his skin. Jolting, he stands and opens the door. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas says as he always does, and Dean grins, letting him in. 

Without waiting for him, Cas looks at the films (Cas will never let Dean call them movies; he’s a film major and he grew up in Europe for a little while and a whole slew of other shit and Dean can pick his battles sometimes, screw you, Sammy), lingering for a few minutes. He picks one up, holding it in his hand for a minute. Dean doesn’t like the way that he pauses on it, the way that the frown sets into his face like mourning. He hasn’t seen Cas cry many times - movies, moments, horrible things so blessed few - but he knows what the prelude looks like. He puts his hand on Cas’s shoulder. He thinks about holding his best friend’s hand. He doesn’t, but he does wait for Cas to speak. 

“I know what happens in Brokeback Mountain. I do not know why I purchased it. There is love and there is death and I am so tired of watching gay men and women love and die. I am so tired of the stance that all gay characters are good for is dying. I am so, so tired, Dean,” Cas explains. He’s not crying, but he’s so pointedly  _ not crying  _ that it’s almost worse. Dean grits his teeth and kneels between Cas’s knees, uncaring of the way that his own protest, so long from their years of prayer and worship. He had given up God a long time ago, but he knows that Cas still believes sometimes; maybe Cas can believe enough for both of them. 

“Alright, so we make things different. I get my degree in social work and you get your degree in film and we  _ make things different,  _ Cas. I’m with you, every step of the way. No more dead queers, no more buried gays, just us, okay? We make things different. You and me.” 

Dean doesn’t know what to do with the way that Cas looks at him then, the same worship that he knows he gives Cas sometimes, because God knows that Castiel Novak is a fucking angel. Cas puts down the film and cups Dean’s face in both hands with fingers that feel like sacrament, feel like worship, feel like religion, and Dean has never been a holy thing, but dear God, dear God, dear God. When your best friend kisses you, what is that but religion? What is that but worship? 

The sound that Dean makes can be described accurately as a whimper, but he would likely never admit it. Cas holds his face and kisses him so delicately that Dean feels like he’s about to fall apart even as he kisses Cas back just as softly, not wanting to break that softhearted spell, the way that Cas seems to think that he’s worth all this kindness. They kiss until Dean’s knees want to give out beneath him and then he climbs into Cas’s lap and they kiss more and they never do watch that film. 

But that’s okay anyway. 

Cas’ll make better ones. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ali'll make better ones.


End file.
